A Question For Those Of You Who Enjoy Romance Novels

So, if you want to punch the characters, is that a feature, or is that a bug?

Like, I’m reading this fantasy novel, which shall remain nameless, and it basically turns into a romance novel a third of the way through. Fine, whatever, I’ll finish it. But the three main characters, two male, one female, are involved in a love triangle, and all three of them are idiots. The woman has apparently decided that the way to be a Strong Independent Female is to do stupid things while turning her life into a swirling vortex of drama. Both of her love interests are handsome, successful, rich – they could do way better Action-Girl Drama Queen (AGDQ). The ideal ending to the book would be for both of them to look at AGDQ, say “Y’know what? To hell with her”, and then go out and get drunk together.

But I wonder if all the drama a result of bad writing or of design? See, some people (and most of them have two X chromosomes) really enjoy drama. So I’m wondering: do those of you who enjoy romance novels like the drama? Is that the appeal of romance novels? The drama? People acting like hormone-deranged idiots? Like, a romance fan would read about AGDQ, and instead of thinking “Idiot!”…would empathize with her?

And the AGDQ having two rich guys in love with her? Total female wish fulfillment.

On the other hand, Conan of Cimmeria boinks a different wench every story, usually after rescuing her from the bloodstained altar a depraved centuries-old sorcerer. So, male wish fulfillment, I guess.

-JM

Ambigious Editor Names

Preparing to send out a submission. So I look up the editor’s name, and it’s something like:

“Pat Smith” (Not the real name, obviously.)

Crap.

So does that mean the cover letter goes to Mr. Smith? Or to Ms. Smith?

Cause you don’t want to screw that up. First impressions count, people! I did that once, and it was tremendously embarrassing.

Though, ironically enough, the editor did buy the story. (Thanks, Tyree Campbell!)

But back to “Pat Smith”. It’s time for some Googling. First hit, a Facebook page. Some college girl in a bikini posing with other college girls in bikinis. This “Pat Smith” does indeed rock the bikini, I have to say. However, with the occasional exception, editors are generally not college girls in bikinis. Next!

The next hit, some Blogspot blog featuring numerous pictures of a mother and her children. This is indeed a possibility. Editors & writers, like other humans, often reproduce sexually. However, the Blogspot blog contains no hints as to the mother’s occupation. This could be Pat Smith the claims adjuster or Pat Smith the Mafia hitman (or hitwoman) for all I know. Next!

Several Facebook pages and a few Twitter feeds later, I arrive at the official website of the actual “Pat Smith”. A husband and children are mentioned. This means that “Pat Smith” is almost certainly female. These days, however, you cannot be certain. For all I know, “Pat Smith” could be gay and living in Iowa. However, a quick perusal through the official site’s blog, and I find repeated references to the children of “Pat Smith” referring to “Pat Smith” as Mommy.

Success! My letter goes out addressed to “Ms. Smith”.

This isn’t the kind of stuff you can learn in school, people.

-JM

should writers blog?

I see this question floating around. The idea is that blogging might offend a potential sector of your audience, and scare them away, and destroy your career in in the process. So should writers blog?

And I think the answer is, well, yeah. I mean, if someone is so emotionally fragile that he or she need to run for the smelling salts and the fainting couch after reading something on my blog(s), then you would probably have the same reaction if you’d read something I published. So blogging is really truth in advertising. A public service, if you will.

And I do know what I’m talking about – I could provide a list of people I have sent sprinting for their smelling salts and fainting couches. But I won’t, because that would be ungentlemanly.

Besides, obscurity is a greater enemy for a writer than notoriety. Just don’t be a jerk about it. And always be strictly professional in your dealings with anyone who can pay you, or who has paid you.

-JM

plot crutch AND plot spackle!

Sci-Fi Writer Attributes Everything Mysterious To ‘Quantum Flux’

Key quote:

At the beginning of The Eclipse Of Infinity, a catastrophic quantum flux event on a nearby moon is threatening to destroy the planet Magnus 9. When the planet’s shields suddenly become inoperable due to a quantum flux surge, the inhabitants frantically evacuate. At the end of the first chapter, the novel’s protagonist, Cutter Van Dusen, clutches the hand of his dying mother, who before succumbing to quantum flux poisoning tells her son that an oracle has chosen him to travel back in time through a quantum flux rupture and save the planet by harnessing the power of a strange, mysterious force known as “quantum flux.”

Early on, years before I ever got published, someone observed that all the characters in my stories resolved every single problem through the use of magic. Every one. It’s like on Star Trek when they solve their problems every week by reversing the polarity of something or another.

Eventually I realized that was the result of lazy thinking and poor plotting, and so moved away from it. It’s like cheating the reader, and who wants to be a cheater?

-JM